Fighting The Good Fight

My parents have always told me that I had a lot of potential but potential for what?

What does potential mean if you have nothing to apply it to?

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy very many things.

I might even take it a step further and say that I'm actually pretty good at many things but what's talent if you got no passion?

Just a bunch of hobbies to pass time by till I'm six feet under, I guess.

I'm assuming most people find happiness by pursuing something they're passionate about. I don't really have any real dreams to chase; only nightmares to run from. Most of the time the glass is "half empty" rather than "half full" in my world.

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since my brother died when I was 15,

but for the past 3 years, I had contentment down pretty well.

Life was pretty good for awhile but now these dark feelings are creeping up again.

I started waking up with my heart palpitating even before a thought process even starts.

The anxiety starts making me feel uncomfortable and scared.

The way I feel starts governing the way I think,

and the way I think controls what I feel; forcing me into a downwards spiral of negativity.

I could be enjoying myself and out of no where my heart decides it wants to be a little bitch and I have to stop what I'm doing to tend to it by slowly breathing in and out.

I even considered taking meds for my problems but I want to feel good to actually be me.

I want to prove to myself that my existence is valid without the use of medicine.

"You think therefore you are," and if drugs and meds control the way you think and feel; do you actually exist?

My heart finally calmed down.

It's definitely an uphill battle but I know I'll get to the top.

Holy fuck, it's really 2011

You know, I actually forgot that I had a blogspot. I started this back in 2008, god damn! The shit I posted back then was pretty lame but whatever. Yes the picture of me is when I was 20, so are the interest and music. I decided to leave it there just to remember who I was when I started this blog.

I initially started one up because I was bored and wanted to practice logging in my thoughts but I got caught up in not having any real thoughts because I've wasted it on hours of bullshitting on Facebook.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I EVEN DO ON FACEBOOK?
There's really no real conversations that take place, just a bunch of one liners.
No one gives a shit about what you say unless it appeals to the large mass of idiots on Facebook.

I bet you're thinking,

"Wait Hai, if you're trying to appeal to the large mass of idiots on Facebook, then doesn't that make you an idiot?"

Good question reader, I am part of the large mass of idiots but I want to be seen as an individual idiot now. Well, cheers to the revival of my blogspot and hopefully I'll have some real shit to say, if not I'll go back to bullshitting and most of the time, I really have nothing to say... so cheers to Facebook also heheh.